Match Report

Typhoons V City 7 - Happy Valley 27/2/2010

This week was marked with a low note and the death of Nick VP. Nick played for several clubs in Hong Kong and spent time with Typhoons in 2003 & 2004. Life is and should always be a surprise. Let’s hope death is an even greater surprise. Over in Chile there was a huge earth quake, luckily Claudio and his family were safe and unharmed. Only the shelves he put up, fell down, apparently some time before the earthquake struck. Enough of the slush, people will wonder what happened to the hackneyed phraseology, worn smooth with age has disappeared to. Besides, Nick was French and might appreciate a trip across the channel for some culture. I will get to it as a break with tradition, but first…

Canada, is this a country built on beavers or is that Thailand? Talking of buck toothed, slow witted rodents, capable of gnawing their own testicle off; Lord Beevers was back in the fold with a tremendous sun tan. He had already thrashed his man servant before arriving at the game. He said ‘I’ve told him a thousand times, less tonic, there is no malaria in this part of the world’. Old potato was out of town, but new potato was there to help the front row. We had that ref again. He said he woke up with a female patient and thought, ‘Relax, I’m not the first doctor to sleep with a patient’. There was another voice however saying, ‘but, Steph you’re a vet’. Guy was there with his family, nice. He’s apparently into tantric sex at the moment. He been trying ‘the plumbers’, it’s where your stop in for hours and no-one comes. Quite frankly he’s a freak. Randy was about. He apparently won miss wet burkha and miss wet patch in his youth before he lost his looks and grew t1ts.

Do other dogs think poodles are members of some weird religious cult? I apologise, I have been pretending to read some French literature or le papier as it is known in small cubicles. An interesting survey said that any self respecting Frenchman does not want to die in his sleep. He would rather choke to death. On Johnny Depp. Vogue claims that French fashion sense is like the clap; you either have it or you do not. I have began washing my hands, I’ve never seen a fashionable Frenchman playing rugby, or anywhere else. There is a new American phrase that will annoy you in future but you heard it here first, “over share”. Anyway Fabien was over sharing. He said he has taken to dating homeless women. They are less concerned about hygiene, are usually drunk and are easier to talk into staying the night. This man has no shame, or money.

So what about the game? We had our backs to the wall and not just because of Johnny Depp’s fan club. We would be taking an early bath if we lost, again with the fans. It was all to play for. We had a moment for Nick and kicked off. What can I say, the tackling was first class and there was a lot of body put on the line, especially by the fat people. It was even for the first 10 but the weight advantage began to work. City scored first with a 3 point penalty. After some to and fro we ended up near their 5 yard line. A whopper mistake and BA fell on the lose ball to score our first. I took very little notice after this point. Grant still gets out of breath playing chess, so rugby is a bit of an ask. Bruce was back, apparently he’s faster than a walnut rolling of a hen house roof. This is a treacle roof with a small angle of incline. Some great hit’s from Jay, Beevers, Yannick, Nico and Gareth. By half time we had scored a couple and had a lead. We were also looking rouge.

The half time speech was probably rubbish, but it seemed to give people a few minutes to get their breath back.

Into the second half and we started scoring a few, but also making use of the luxurious yellow carding facilities. We had three players warming the bench for anything from interfering with balls, loitering in areas they shouldn’t be and dodgy tackle. Down to 12 men, driven back to the 22, captain Hay Bale made the call, “Hold the line”. Among the Berserka ranks there was a snigger. But the line held and we moved back to 15 men, but not without scoring first. We battled on, we lost men to the sin bin, they lost men to the blood bin, or the just limped off. Jason Orange complained about the strong smell of manure and ruined the last five minutes talking sh*t. But he couldn’t spoil the victory. Final score, Typhoons 30, City 3.

Players enjoyed a few Guinness in memory of Nick. Post match analysis and fines was held at the jockey. Most people were fined. The backs for dropping the ball, 4 try scorers, the ref, yellow cards, the captain. Man of the match was Nico for being a bone crusher all game and scoring twice. We had asked the ref to send him off at that point to stop any hat-trick.

We have City again at So Kon Po. It’s a different day and a different game. We need to switch on and play hard. Only a fool thinks a difficult task is easy. We maybe foolish, make the job difficult be we can’t take it easy.

There are only 5 places left on the junk, you are warned. The treasurer has advised that the 7’s ticket sales are finished. You need to have a good excuse and cry a lot if you expect a ticket now. The chances are about zero the cupboard is bare.

Good stuff, see you Saturday. We need a big turn out to get behind the team.
C