Match Report

This week we start with a question our resident fire expert has been unable to answer. Who is Nora? and why does she burst into flames? (that's flamin' Nora for the slow, I won't say foreign they'd never understand no matter what explanation they were given) Is he another Typhoon charlatan? This week saw Nico Zurcher complete a sponsored walk before the game., in a Toyota Comfort. The cheating w@.... A man who can multitask. If he is caught watching p0rn, he can change channels, hide the tissues and pull his trousers up like a Ninja. All the way from Ireland with his hair products, Mr Quinn had made it down for an rare appearance. The man with magic feet, the west Dingle river dance champion, not far enough west he would have drowned however. This is the Irishman we ended up with because we couldn't afford the transfer fee of Terry Wogan. Terry would have been much better in the pack. Anyway some history, the ancient tribal history of Europe is littered with peoples, some with a preponderance for ginger hair, others for wine and Pate. While the Gauls were dealing with plague, pox or peasants and the Celts fought Picts there is a seldom mentioned tribe that lives on today. In the Somerset levels, hidden in the Mendips among the carrots were the Quo. These are the people who have changed little over the years and still look like their pop group name sakes. Don't let their shaven potato heads fool you. The burr of "zider zur" is a front. These throw backs hidden like Neanderthal in plain view.

The back line androgenous as usual, the ever damp Jason, like a cloud of drizzle ever present in the centres. On the wing like a ray of sunshine was Aymeric. More a red giant in fact, hot, red, fat and sweaty.. Again there was the late appearance of Paterson, who has been moonlighting on a butchers bike. He comes highly qualified with diphtheria, cholera, consumption and a spot of polio. Ideal for the hilly conditions of Hong Kong and the Pennines. His new boss has warned him "it will come out of your wages if you get those leg callipers wrapped up in me derailier gears. A man who's idea of high society is the Rochdale mountaineering Club. Grant has been at the truffles and fondant fillings since Christmas. Even with a dose of something he to take tablets for, he is a still man mountain. All the ingredients, including the pies, to make a superb prop in fact. Then there is not so superb sub Vart, despite his Celtic heritage (Welsh tw@t) in times of trouble he claims to be a Hindu, produces a picture of Ghandi and claims diplomatic immunity. Despite all his Bollywood charm he is still an undesirable c... . Ask him to do an Welsh accent, he sounds Indian, it's true.

This week also was the swan song and final appearance of Simon, who leaves Sunny Hong Kong for Blighty. Hurrah. He is hoping to find work as a decoy for the whaling fleet. As a youngster his mother would never let him look out of the window in case people outside thought it was a pet shop. A man who has to whistle to work out which end to wipe his @rse. This is a man who thinks mashing potatoes is low impact aerobics. He will be missed, ever so slightly until I find another fat and ugly victim, so many to choose from, so little time...

Anyway the game, broken into highlights and low lights we had a try which was mainly the making of Constant, making all the running and doing all the dodging. When finally caught inches from the line Quo Clarke was there to put it on the floor. The high point was his missus missing the only try in living memory he has ever been on the end of. The only other points were from a penalty kick from Mr Moist Coles. Moist cole is that really any good for getting hot with a lady? There was a little bit of Biff on the field. I will only say that Canada is a good place to bring up your food, otherwise it appears to be a desolate wilderness with violent people. We lost I think it was about 28 points the other way. The fines were a success and no-one went home without some lame, half baked excuse to force drink into them. I'd like to say Simon was man of the match but he wasn't, was it young cousin James? This is what James senior used to look like before the ravages of beer, pie, women, fags and head banging to soft rock.

Anyway final score was about 8 Typhoons
Causeway Bay 28ish.

C