Match Report
Can I start as badly as the backs this week and slowly build up into something mediocre? Right, Jason Coles, he’s rubbish and begged for a mention, well there you are. Coles, Jason Coles. Doesn’t sound very Bond-like, in fact he could have quite possibly ruined the match report before it has reached take off speed. Is all that tape necessary, p€rvert? You need to get back in the gutter with all the other snipes. If you ever get a call asking if you will accept a reverse charge call, refuse it. It’s him. Probably soaked to the skin or wanting to tell you he’s wet in a lay-by near Doncaster. Anyone who dresses like an eyesore from the Liberace house of cr@p needs to be ignored. You wont ask again will you. He was recently heard in Welcome without enough cash to pay for washing powder saying, “I usually carry enough cash round for a big OMO.” Makes you sick, talking of which Simon claims to be a bulimic who can’t stand vomiting.
It was too much to take on Saturday for some, Australia famous for malaria and not a lot else is the start of this childhood nightmare. Walking to school and getting a daily fisting from the boxing kangaroo is something unmentionable around the jumbuck tree. It started a few weeks earlier when the acting career of our own monsieur Depadieu revolved round diving to the floor at the slightest hint of a hand, only this week the little guy was actually hit or someone attempted to donate him some Irish sunglasses. Meanwhile reverting back to some locked away memory, Hoon began to whinge at the sight of the master of the buckhounds striding forth and getting a couple of pumping upper cuts in. He said it was a Vulcan nerve pinch but it looked remarkably unlike anything I’ve seen from Derek Nimoy. From across the field you could have expected, “no not the face”, but instead our antipodean was saying “no not the @ss”… Nico wasn’t even there. I have no idea what it all means, up the Shatner?. With so much going on there is hardly any space to mention something French. Well, maybe. Fabien was unable to play on Saturday because… he went to Macau …. and watched cirque du soliel. It’s a first, but may never be a last for him or others of that nation. There is so much wrong with this, I don’t know where to start. Frank was back and has turned into an eco-warrior, he is worried that climate change and a lack of rainfall is causing dryness in Virginia. With Frank saving the planet, I’m sure the problem will be licked in no time.
We were looking for a win to go into the off-season with some pride and to put some points on the board. Valley looked up for it but early on we managed to get up to their try line, only to lose the ball and have a string of knock-on’s from the backs pushing us all the way to our own line. In fact the first 10 minutes the forwards did nothing but scrum and the backs fumble. Is this French Champagne rugby? Valley had brought the biff with them on Saturday and were getting in a few digs. They went over first with a try in the corner, but missed the conversion. Our answer was Mr Dropsy, who looks like a dead body with crumbs around his mouth. Guy took 5 and we missed the conversion. We had the biff incident and a Valley got a yellow. This was followed by a high spirited tackle from our near blind pilot getting him a yellow. In the last 10 minutes the ref was trying to control some heat and we gave away a penalty which was converted. At half time it was 8-5 to Valley.
The answer according to Waz was hitting them hard in the tackle, hitting them coming round the sides and hitting them whilst playing better than Valley. Genius. Shortened to “it em” from Tim. We started playing a bit better, which was all we needed. It wasn’t great but we started to get the edge. The back’s turned the game making some yards with ball in hand. This was the Achilles heal for Valley, they lost lots of ground with our breaks in the backs. Next over was Jason, who may have expected some sort of thrilling blow by blow mention, nah. Grant missed the conversion and was sacked. The forwards played well all day providing a platform for the backs to get good ball. We had the chance of a penalty in the last 10, but decided to go for the bonus points. Team confidence, but we fluffed it. Leaving only a 2 point lead and a rueful sideline. “You’ll rue the day Grant Wilson”, and again he was shaking his head in his hands. I have no idea why. Coming back on the park and making up for his ball dropping, blindness and cr@pness, Beevers managed to get a try in the last 10 minutes. Jason missed the kick. We held on at the end with some Valley pressure in out 22, but the whistle went and we won.
Final score Typhoons 15 –Valley 8
There were a few drinks after the game. Winners Beer, which always tastes like Victory.
Man of the Match Ollie. DOD was the ball droppers, and I’ve forgotten.
Coming up: The Asian games, rugby this Saturday and Sunday. Christmas party on Friday the 11th be there and let Gareth know. Plan B V Kowloon Saturday 12th, for the B team, this is your 2 week warning.
C