Match Report

Aha, it's been a long time and players were obviously a bit ring rusty and it showed the way some of you were walking. So without any further introduction or waffle we begin with a wholly over the top and inappropriate introduction to the season.

It is the dawn of time, this earth we know so well is a smoldering inhospitable wilderness. No plants grow, no creatures can survive. The hard implacable rocks that form our mountain ranges are being crushed and folded by forces that will take millions of years to shape our continents. These are the forces, this is the power that drives the hand that throws the ball for Typhoons. A fine body of men arrived pitch side, not that I was looking at bodies. Grant has a body and face that would make a donkey sick, Fabien is a fully paid up member of the international Cha Cha Club, or Dimitris who doesn't skinny dip he chunky dunks. Desperate h0m0s wouldn't consider coming down to look at us lot, but we had the numbers, we just needed to play. The off-season had been unkind to some players with Keelty looking emaciated on one extreme, did he have ricketts? Simon Hoare looked absolutely massive on the other, he claims to have escaped with some smoking beagles from the secret laboratories of pies International. They obviously have very wide bars, but a lot of tempting fillings to keep you in. We also had a raft of new players who have filled the gaps left by the deserters and leavers last season, the gap was quite easy to fill because most of our splitters were rubbish. The old guard in the shape of Bambi "I'm out of the office" Evans arrived to support or fill in, if we were desperate. We had been trained to perfection by a Dutch bloke and were ready to fire up for another season.

So all aboard the Hogwarts express for another season of magic, without that ginger kid you want to punch and shove his wand up his.... The new shirts were handed out, most people paid, the rest I will be removing heads at the Jockey Club tonight to give you a hint. It back fired a little last time, Frank claimed it was the best head he had had in years. Much better than looking as well. After a stretch, and f@rt, coach gave a few handy hints and last minute tips. We were ready to go, preparation was over we were ready for the games to begin.

The game early on was roughly equal while we found out feet, slowly we began to get the upper hand and had the better quarter. City were getting pinged for hands and diving over and eventually gave one away in front of the posts with Fabien stepping up to punish them. It was however the last bit of punishing he did and missed everything else he touched with his donkey hoof foot. The game was largely dominated with the forwards, the scrum was holding together despite it being a bit scratch and lob-sided in height. The back row were the guys doing a lot of work chasing down players and carrying the ball. From a scrum in their 22, the ball was spun wide to Beevers who managed to bounce and power through several players to touch down under pressure. His off season bulking meant he was able to use the excessive weight to power over, Fabien missed. Our poultice walloper Vart was the first with his handbag out, finding someone aged 12 and giving him a poor quality push. City managed to get a yellow for hands after Stuart and Yannicks crash and break through the middle. We looked reasonable going into the second half, but were beginning to run out of puff.

The second half saw wholesale changes to get everyone a run. Memorable sub and most disappointing come back was Simon who managed about two minutes. The injury is unknown, but it is likely to be a touch of mastitis of the man breasts. The game became a bit of a slog, City had put on some of their stronger players to give us some trouble in the second half. The scrum looked more suspect and the one trick pony of a line out was now starting to be contested. On the positive the defending was good, but we started to lack to imagination and coordination getting into attack. The comment from the sidelines was a lack of "Biff", taking the ball up in contact. Roy managed the feat once, but needed a breather before attempting it again. Memorable moments were the Beevers knock on and chase back. Having scored, he was looking like turning from hero to villain and made a last ditch tackle to save his blushes. We began to get a bit sloppy with Roy getting a yellow for a high tackle and Dim getting a red for a trip. It meant the last few minutes of the game we were not only knackered but short. City managed to score after rucking and driving us off the ball. They were well drilled and kept coming. New scrum half Constant shocked Keelty by throwing straight fast balls. So much so he dropped several, maybe due to weakness or failing eyesight. Our Canadians were out again, the backs didn't see much ball, but Paul was in amongst it all day. Despite the backs seeing little ball Aymeric was still knackered and lasted 15 minutes. After some sustained pressure in the corner City eventually fumbled and we had a free kick. Having played around 50 minutes, the ref confirmed it was the last play. The ball went to touch and we had won our first of the season.

We made hard work of it, but the final score was Typhoons 8 - City 5

This was Jeroen's first win, and he hopes to teach us how to score try's on Tuesday. It was also Typhoons first win. Man of the Match was Thomas Dhervilly who was all over the place working hard, a first for  Frenchman I understand. A good effort all round. Next week we are in Bali, so it's you still have a chance to be spontaneous and go. A good effort we need to build on. I have been gentle with the new boys, but it won't be long before you are assassinated and abused for the slightest mistake. It is good to see new faces, we can hopefully build on a core to play together as a team.

We are back to work on 17th October against Aberdeen (HKCC). Tuesday is still training.