Match Report

Starting XV Out Maybe
1. Nico
2. Gaston
3. Clarke
4. Tim
5. Tony Shale
6. Simon H
7. Thomas G
8. Claudio (C)
9. Smally
10. Guy E
11. Yannick Sam  
12. Andy C Billy  
13. Gareth Ray Chung  
14. Dan Vart    
15. Jensen    
    
Super-subs:   
James Knott    
Dru Han    
Thomas S    
Roy    
Fabien    
Joseph C    
Chris C   
Ott    
Jamie H    
Daniel
Grant    
(25)    
     
Coach - Waz

We had a pleasant afternoon for it and the ladies were out in force glugging the wine and munching. There was a fearful racket. I was relegated to minding the tee, something we didn't have much call for, although it didn't stop certain short people asking for pig bladders at regular intervals. Balls. It was good to see a raft of new faces taking to the park. It is probably worth mentioning a miracle which took place on the weekend also. Seldom do we get to experience the lords work on the rugby field but James Knot had reportedly fractured his skull a weekend or so earlier, but was on the field apparently cured of this affliction. How? Well he had visited the wise woman, this is the lady who wraps herself in plastic bags and lies on the pavement in Pedder Street. She told him of a man who can cure all ills, so he went on her quest and found charlatan Vart who gave him balms which look suspiciously like the waxy deposits behind his ears. Within a week he was back having wrapped his baldy head in silver foil. Feel free to introduce yourself to the wise woman, ask her where she shops, or see the charlatan of fractures.

Thomas G had managed to find another Frenchman, Fabian. So we have another season of Gallic flare to look forward to and complaints about the Chilean wine. We have another yank, Chris, G'day or whatever. Also Grant turned up foolishly for a 5 minute slot and nearly had a coronary. There were also some old people. Shale was about pushing in the second row. As number 4 he has been compared to Martin Johnston, but the actual quote overhead was "compared to Martin Johnston, Tony Shale is cr@p". We even saw the Ott return to the site of his leg injury. Like getting back on a bike he was on for at least 5 minutes having toned himself up doing pilates with some fat women, and doing what he does best. Hiding and avoiding the ball.

The hour had arrived, we were on for our first game, Captain Claudio had spat venomous words, we were ready. The early minutes involved a fair amount of nervous running about and fumbling from both sides. It took a little while, but eventually we were defending in our own half around into the 22. The defence held for some time, in fact it looked the same from a distance despite the hard work. After 10-15 minutes we eventually conceded and trudged back for kick off. It was probably at this point Mr Ott was asked by Nose to get some water on the pitch. He refused as he was having a beer. It would have gone unreported, but Shale tried out one of his tumbleweed one liners with "this is mutiny Mr Christian." Anyway, there was complete silence and the birds stopped singing, if he was about during the fines he would have had a large one. We tried to come back on the bounce but it came to nothing. Dan made a good run before failing to pass to Claudio, allegedly, and was collected and dumped, spilling the ball. Valley came back with sustained pressure and we conceded another 2 tries before half time. Valley lost a player for stamping/yellow before the break and we went for a conflab 21 behind.

Half time and Smally took over the mantle of ball collector, becoming more animated the more people waved cans of beer and shrugging. After some stern words we were back. It didn't take long before they scored another try, we were in a pile of sh*t and not wearing the right shoes. The subs bench was emptied in stages and players were being turned around to enter the fray again after a breather. We had a couple of chances with Simon taking the ball in close to the line after sustained pressure. But he managed to knock forward and let them off. We also saw Grant take a ball and break a good 30 yards, before the 3+ years off caught up and he fell over looking for the pass. We conceded a penalty which they kicked for more points. They may have scored again, but we were waiting for the fat lady vocalist. The last few minutes, with Clarke asking for new lungs and body, the Ott came on to cause a near fight within 30 seconds of arriving. It would have been more impressive if he had hit him and been sent off. We could have gone uncontested. As skilful as ever, had someone been hiding behind a grassy knoll, they wouldn't have wasted the bullet.

Final score I think... Valley 31 - Typhoons 0