Match Report

Starting XV
Jensen
Chris C
Fabien
Allan
Yannick
Bruce
Big Bad Andy
Tom
Shorty
Thomas G
Daniel B
Grant
Dan Vart
Tim
Richard Hanson
Grant's mate
Clarkie (from bench)
Roy
Jon K

Head Coach: Waz
Skils Coach: Jeroen

We probably need to start the report and match with a sombre note. Jon Maxwell, long-time rugby stalwart and member for University as well as occasional Phoon passed away earlier in the week. Jon was one of the drivers behind the success and growth of university rugby and their growing strength seen today. Jon is also remembered as a gentlemen off the pitch and a tough competitor on. It was good to see the team take a minute to think about Jon and have their own private thoughts and prayers for him and his family.

There was a foul voice on the wind, the Viking hoards were called together in the sight of Tyr (Norse god of war) to wreak vengeance (vali) on Club. Men of Norse and Saxon origins worked themselves into a frenzy during the week to sharpen war axes and buff their helmets. Then there were the French, Gallic types who's war attire was more tights and frilly cuffs. Mais qui, I like Frigg (God of love) the same as the next man or animal, but is this all a bit aggressive? Us French we like the old ways like maidens dancing round a maypole for fertility, but we can see this in MP3 in Macau nowadays. It needed a short history lesson. Ethelred the unready, paid tribute (Dangeld/money) to the Viking kings so they wouldn't interfere with their women and animals. Ah qui but ziz is no fun. Exactly, so Mr Bloodaxe, Skullsplitter, Bluetooth and Babybiter did it anyway. Qui, we are liking zis. There was a lot of fighting because of this. Non, we are not liking the fighting because we are French, only the interfering with animals and women. It was getting complicated.

Right, these Club types will look down their noses at you, they will be arrogant and walk about like they own the place. Qui, are zees people French? No, Henry the 8th got so fed up with poofta's he introduced a law making buggery an offence. No surprises that the first person convicted was the headmaster of Eton College. For generations this type of headmaster has been teaching people at Club, do you see? We are liking zees headmasters also. OK, do you see those people out there in the blue and white, Breton type shirts. Ah Frenchmen. No, bl00dy Club, well they shot a hole in your accordion, scratched your Charles Aznavour records and drank your wine. Merde, no, I will kill zem all. It all takes time, but there is a way of firing up even a Frenchman.

This week saw Frank take to the pitch for his first game. One of most frightening thoughts in rugby is an all American front row. I was trying to work on some real abuse, but could only think of food for this weeks savoury yank offering. Tex Mex, Calamari and Boston Clam Chowder. Probably a reasonable 3 course meal, anywhere except America. Can we find someone from Kentucky, Jabba the Pizza hut, Tacky Bell? This would also mean Dimitris would be the Kebab shop and Manu Deli France for a true international flavour. Clarke's pies lets it down and Nico's cheese is worse, so I'll drop it. Besides the humpty backed freak show, otherwise know as Clarke has a bad back and is loitering elsewhere in the pack.

It was time to start, with the scoreboard, I could even get the times down of every try. 6 minutes we lasted to concede the first. Tom was on for his last game with Typhoons, so we were hoping to get a win as a send off. He broke some bits in his hand instead, clumsy Yorkshire git. He was caught recently surfing something unsavoury and tried to pass it off as looking for his mate Alan on friends reunited. Alan Entry, my @rse, well someone else's I mean. Back to the action, 11 minutes Try and conversion, 16 minutes, try no conversion, 24 minutes try and conversion. We were battling, but getting little chance to make territory and get a try scoring chance. I've been asked to mention a little bit of American history for balance. Here goes, Abraham Lincoln was born in a log cabin which he built with his own hands. This has also been the American problem ever since, politicians telling blatant howlers about their humble back grounds. How do you take any of their history seriously? It was a hot afternoon and people were putting a lot of effort with little reward. We were 4 tries down at half way.

Half time talk, less spit, but who was talking? Dandruff thesize of grains of rice. I was transfixed. Something about breast feeding a flamingo back to health. No idea what was said. But it sounded good and may have been the inspiration for a much improved second half. Maybe it had something to do with fitness or the usual determination to battle on. Club went in for a try and conversion after 9 minutes, straight from kick off they failed to clear and made a mistake which was exploited with a few moves and PA coming through at speed. Jensen clonked it over and we were on the board. It didn't take long for Club to come back and they scored again a few minutes later. We went through a spell of good rugby, the play moved about the field a bit, we were uncontested and it meant we at least had some ball to attack. Some big hits were going in with Grant creating holes with his lumpy body. We lost Roy with a wonky knee and Dan because he was puffed out or a poof I couldn't tell. Despite sleep deprivation and smelling of baby sick/worse, Guy managed to get over for 5 with Jensen again keeping a 100% record. We conceded another a little later, this started from a Steve Small no look pass. He may complain and make excuses but it's on video. The whistle went, it was time for some further inspirational speeches, while those with more sense than to listen went to get some beer.

Final score
Hong Kong FC 47 - Typhoons 14

Man of the match was PA and Grant. Fabien was singled out for wearing hot pants, then no shirt and a repulsive and unfashionable French body, and then some sort of lycra underwear/thong thing. I have no idea what that's about. Drinks followed and several sports fans watched several more games till the early hours. Roy was found wandering on the pitch during a ladies game. His interest in women's rugby had suddenly become unhealthy and dubious. He was escorted back to his seat. We had a big turn out, it was a good day despite the result. England won, France lost, which is one consolation. Until next week, au revoire. We need to come back for the DeA game.

C